Who Shamed Roger Rabbit?

Everyone knows the myth: All rabbits do is reproduce and multiply. And there's total truth behind the expression. Flippin' natural instincts. Anytime I fall in love with a little cotton-tail cutie she goes and reproduces with just any ol' Peter Rabbit. Actually, several ol' Peter Rabbits. It breaks my heart to watch, but I'm the only that seems to care that the bunny babe I love is intimate with a butt ton of other bunnies. Not one other male (or female) cares who they are with. Ugly, tall, short, fat, thin, poofy, slutty, etc., etc. Other males look at me and say, "Wait, you're complaining?! Any girl will sleep with you no matter what you look like and you're complaining?"
I think I'm the only monogomous rabbit on Earth. Bunny after bunny has left me just for the next guy with the bigger carrot to give her. I've fallen for beach bunnies, snow bunnies and any other bunny you can think of. There was even that time in college where I would play with that boy bunny. It doesn't matter what I try, my heart ends up being shattered as I watch them hop away to do the bunny hop with someone else.
And I can't even kill myself! Flippin' nature trying to force me to spread my seed and then die naturally. My body and brain battle anytime I try to jump off a cliff and my body always wins...freaking body.
Then I found my salvation! The one female bunny that didn't leave me for another male! We dated for three years, a record for any of the species. It was unheard of, especially since we never reproduced together. And she never left me for another male, she left me for a female though. Flippin' lesbunnys. Those were still the greatest three years of my life.
And those three years gave me hope for the future. I've given up trying to kill myself, instead, like the Energizer Bunny (before he went to jail for battery) I will keep looking for my soul mate. I will search the entire planet until I find her, and if I don't find her in the first place I look, I'll keep going and going and going...

Huggy Bear

It's not that she was overrated, actually the opposite. She was underrated in every way and THAT'S why things got tricky. Males that didn't know her weren't really interested until they met her. And oh boy did they become interested.
Every.
Single.
One.
And I'm no better than any of these males in that respect. Actually, it took me quite some time before I got punched with the right hook that was her. No surprise that like every other male that met her, I thought I was the only bear on the planet to notice her like this. That thought was instantly erased as I noticed all the swooning bears around me. Things suddenly became like fifty paws swinging their greedy claws at one giant golden salmon. And I sat around like Winnie with a goofy look on my face and honey covered paws. Not that I didn't want to try to catch this beardacious babe, but I wasn't a tough bear. I was basically a life-size, living teddy bear. More Care than Grizzly.
Whatever, this isn't about me, it's about her. Every second that goes by knowing her showed us, the males, that we can never truly comprehend how bearific she was. I saw male after male fight each other to just get the chance to talk to her again. And still I watched longingly at her whilst making a dumb beehive hat or something. THEN SHE DATED THE POLAR BEAR. What a freaking rich, yuppie a-hole. It was unBearable! Ohh sooOoOOOo exotic! Whatever. He only wanted her because he knew he could beat the competition. She went down a notch after going with somebeardy as lame as him. However, I didn't do anything about it. I went off and made the mistake of dating a black bear...let's not go there. Anyway, after I came to my senses she finally dumped him!
Aaaand then instantly began dating a grizzly bear. Oh man, so she's shallow too? She just wanted a bear with the flair (and muscles). I hated every second of watching her with any another male. However, he was poached. She cried and still I sat and did nothing to console her. I sat and did nothing.
In fact, I've been sitting this whole time. I'm actually really sore. I think I'm going to stand up now. OW! Oh my God! My butt-hair came off! I sat on honey and it glued my hair to the ground! I have a BEAR ASS!

Nyea, just kidding folks. But I did stand up in the metaphorical sense and talked to her. She shot me down rather quickly. Then she dated a panda bear. Then I asked her out on a pic-a-nic (no wonder she didn't give me a shot) and rejected me again. Then she left. To this day I have no idea where she went. I hope she found her happiness to wherever she left to.
"So true a fool is love that in your will,
Though you do anything, he thinks no ill."

As for me, I grew up and married a grizzly. A male grizzly. After all, I am a bear. WHOOPWHOOP