"I remember"

My Mom

I remember my mom before the divorce. I asked my mom if I could see a psychiatrist and she said she wasn't sure how she felt about it. I asked my mom if I could go to an optometrist and she said "We'll see." I asked my mom why silence speaks volumes and she gave me the 's' volume of the encyclopedia. I asked my mom, "Why" and she said, "Equals mx+b." I told my mom that my girlfriend thought androgyny was sexy and she said, "Well then, you're her man...or woman." I asked my mom where I should see myself in ten years and she said, "In a mirror." I told my mom that I was into large girls and she said I should open up an Elephant Bar with only voluptuous waitresses. Like Hooters with tusks. I asked my mom what was for dinner and she screamed, "I've had enough of you! I'm going to go into the kitchen, grab a knife, and cut myself…some ham." I asked my mom why I had no siblings and she said, "Well, I've thought about it, but I've aborted the idea." I asked my mom why dad left and she gave me the 's' volume of the encyclopedia again. I asked my mom if she loved me and she called me a fag. I asked my mom to meet my girlfriend and she said, "She's probably full of bologna." I asked my mom why she never gives me a straight answer and she made another joke about my sexual orientation. I tried to tell my mom a joke: "Mom, when did the Asian go to the dentist?" she said, "When he was scheduled." I remember my mom before last Christmas.